About Nancy

Who Am I?

I have always been soft and sensitive by nature, with an open heart and a playful spirit. I’m intuitive and deeply connected to my gut feelings, which have served me well over the years. I am married and a mother to three sons. I was born and raised in London, and in 2010 our family moved to West Sussex, where we enjoy living closer to nature.

At the age of 46, I made one of the most important decisions of my life: I stopped drinking alcohol. From the outside, my drinking may have appeared manageable – perhaps even ‘normal’ within UK drinking culture – but inwardly I knew it was no longer right for me. It was taking more than it was giving, and I found it increasingly difficult to say no, even when I didn’t truly want to drink. The last six years have been an incredibly healing journey and an opportunity to begin again.

Through my personal work with Compassionate Inquiry, I have come to know, trust, and love myself in a way I never had before. Addiction, in its many forms, has been present in my family of origin, and while I appeared to function ‘normally,’ my relationship with alcohol helped me recognise that I was no exception. I now understand addiction not as an identity, but as a process – one that lives in me to a lesser and lesser degree as I continue to do my inner work. Without this awareness, I know I would turn to food, substances, or behaviours in ways that do not align with my life or my values.

As my teacher Gabor Maté says, “The question is not why the addiction, but why the pain.” Everything I have learned from him – as a student, a practitioner, and a client of Compassionate Inquiry – has given me a deep understanding of that pain and its origins.

Over the years, I have repeatedly returned to my childhood experiences in order to understand and ultimately free myself from the beliefs, patterns, and behaviours that developed in response to my early environment. Alongside this understanding, I have cultivated a deepening sense of compassion – not only for myself, but also for both of my parents and the generations that came before them.

In November 2021, my father passed away suddenly, while at the same time my mum’s Alzheimer’s disease was progressing rapidly. I became intimately acquainted with grief and loss. Sober and unmedicated, I felt it all. Working with my Compassionate Inquiry practitioner gave me the safe, compassionate space I needed to feel and express my emotions, while developing the capacity to stay present with pain rather than turning away from it.

When I began my Compassionate Inquiry training in February 2022, I wondered whether I had taken on too much. I was grieving, navigating perimenopause, acting as a part-time carer for my mum, and raising two teenagers. It was a lot – and it was also a gift. My mantra became “the only way out is through.” I dug deep and opened my heart to feel everything.

This lived experience informs how I show up today – with humility, presence, and compassion. I believe that healing happens when we feel safe enough to tell the truth, to stay with our pain, and to meet ourselves exactly as we are.

The most important role of my life will always be as a mother. We began shifting our parenting paradigm back in 2012 when I was pregnant with my youngest son and I had a sudden awareness that my stress levels were not good for any of us. In that moment my gut instinct took over and I began to reclaim power as a mother, dismissing the well meaning advice I got from my mum, who raised us on the advice of Dr Spock. I shifted from being my mothers obedient daughter, to my children’s mother. With some mama bear energy I turned towards respectful, attachment parenting styles. Finally mothering felt peaceful and natural. I’d discovered and grown into the mother I was always meant to be.

I’m a mother to two young adults and a teenager. Understanding generational trauma, what it looks like and how it has been passed on, means that my husband and I have a responsibility to our children to at least try to break the cycle. We heal our own wounds so that we don’t pass those wounds on; we face our own pain so we don’t inflict it on to others. 

Through the Compassionate Inquiry approach I have learned to become the mother to myself that I always needed and probably the mother that my mother, and her mother needed too. I am called to support people in ways that mean they can heal and recover from what life has thrown their way.

My own recovery journey has been one of finding my way back to me, back to my wholeness, and I’m here to support others to do the same. The passing down of family dis-ease does not have to be inevitable but where it has been, please know that healing is possible.